Poltergeist: A Film Review

 Film Review: Poltergeist (1982)

Sigh. Just fucking sigh. My mom brought this movie to me, saying that it was one of the best horror movies that she's ever seen. Ha. Ha. Ha. Anyone that's seen this has got to agree with me. Right? Maybe it was a good movie. However, with her asserting that it was a horror movie, it just ruined it for me entirely. I love a good scary movie. I'm addicted to the adrenaline rush of the screaming, the flashing lights, the background music. Hell. It's not that hard to do, is it? The directors/Prime staff did themselves hella dirty when they listed it under suspense and horror. Maybe horror for small children, like Coraline, which would explain why it was listed PG. My mom said, AND I QUOTE, "It's wild that they listed this as PG. It was scarier than that." Miss Ma'am I'm sorry, did you watch this when you were 5? It's just not scary. The premise is that a bunch of creepy (not really) shit happens at this house and they are trying to get rid of it. Spoiler alert. It's a bunch of ghosts that were misplaced and causing mayhem for the hell of it because the husband's boss built that house over a cemetery that he SAID he moved... but he just moved the headstones. He left all the coffins and rotting bodies under the foundation of the house. 

First of all, WHAT THE FUCK?! Why? If you have access to a part of land, especially a part that has fucking bodies underneath it... move it? What would cross your mind that would make you think that not moving it would be a good idea? Fucking idiots.

My next bone to pick is that apparently the house is clean right, everything's fine but then WITH THIRTEEN MINUTES LEFT a major bullshittery thingie happens where the coffins pop up from under the ground... it was just poor filmmaking. Why with thirteen minutes left, would you introduce something like that? 

For that, Poltergeist sucked.

2/5 stars for characters because I liked the children

0/5 stars for horror. It could've been scary with better graphics, a better plotline, more sinister shit. It missed the mark.

1/5 overall. It just sucked. I do not recommened.